um,

what

now?

applied technology in ministry

Everything listed here, is — as far as I can tell — a sign of Asperger’s Syndrome. I am not using this as an excuse for life, but I think knowledge of it can be really freeing and help me live a more normal or adjusted life.

• I literally do not know how to respond to “thank you” or another compliments. So much that I don’t like compliments because it creates awkwardness and is unpleasant.
• I have extremely sensitive skin. Tickles and light touches hurt. When people who don’t know about my AS will “man-slam” my shoulders, I literally cringe, as a reflex. It is better when I initiate touch.
• I don’t like rough fabrics (denim),  watches, or other stuff that touches my skin in a rough way. This was worse as a kid. I guess I should have been a nudist, but let’s face it, I have enough social problems already, that wouldn’t help anything. Plus I need to lose a little weight. My wife is probably picturing this, and to everyone else, I’m sorry.
• I am an extreme introvert, and do not like talking, but I have had to become a out-going extrovert (seemingly, not in fact) to be able to interface with the rest of the world.
• I am affected deeply, beyond my control by the environment and the order of it. If I am in a disorderly, dirty, or disorganized environment, it affects me like kryptonite.
• I was pulled out of school after 1st grade, because of problems with interactions between other kids, teachers, and me not “getting it” in general. I would goof off loudly and completely disregard any substitute teacher, because it illegitimized the class for me. If we didn’t have our normal teacher, school was pointless to me.
• I was home-schooled through high school, and during that time, I had a hard time with certain reading comprehension, handwriting, math, and other subjects because I would answer based on a more technical knowledge of the topic, or the more correct answer to the question, not particularly what they wanted to know. I was more factual and less understanding of the ethereal answer they wanted.
• I don’t read between the lines. I am a straight 1=1 person, who sees only black and white, and cannot see the point, need, or justification for gray areas.
• I am an expert in one specific niche focus, and I don’t want to do anything else.
• I say what I think with little to no regard for how anyone else feels about it, not on purpose, I simply don’t know about their view or think of how people will take things. For example, I will talk about snakes, forgetting that someone listening is deathly afraid of them and will freak out. I am seen as insensitive a lot.
• I am always in someone’s way, and I try to get out of the way, but I cannot predict how someone else will move.
• I either interrupt people constantly or I don’t get a word in edgewise. I do not pick up the social and conversational clues left. I wait for silences to interject dialog, and if there are none, I think a lot but say very little because of my deficiency or misinterpretation of social protocols.
• I tend to wear clothes all in one color, and will wear other things, but prefer to wear all black, all the time. I also prefer that there be some message, some important bit of communication on my shirts, because it says more about me than I can, and it is fun and unique.
• I hate/can’t/don’t want to handle emotions. I wish we didn’t have the bad ones. They wreck so many things, that I hate feelings. I am, however married to the most emotional human I have ever known, and I love it about her, she is so caring and loving, and cries at everything. Weird that Mr. hates emotions loves that kind of girl, I know.
• I have always hated my birthday. I think this is because I always wished for a certain “birthday experience” which never happened and I hated being the center of attention at all. Gifts are not a love language of mine, I just don’t care about gifts, unless it particularly, specifically means something to me. Like a special book or sentimental thing.
• Because of my reclusiveness and stand-offish tendencies, I think other people make decisions for me and because I don’t have a better idea, I go with theirs, because of their heart, generosity, not wanting to offend, knowing that I will hate it later. No one gives me enough time to process, evaluate, research and decide.
• I am very sensitive to what I consider oddly-textured foods. I can’t stand pieces in anything. Wild rice disgusts me, 9 grain bread, etc.
• I am a people pleaser, I hate it, and that is where I fluctuate.
• I can be extremely happy, sad, mad, sick, tired, and no one can tell. So much happens internally, that I can have literally no expression on my face through the biggest of emotions. People think (there I go pleasing again) that I am unaffected, uncaring, and ignorant, until I open my mouth and they hear what I think. The problem is that they will never hear what I think, because I cannot articulate the full weight of it in my head in words.
• I write better and communicate better through writing than verbal communication. I feel perpetually misunderstood on phone and in person. In writing, I am almost a completely different person. Nearly everyone I know tells me they are blown away with my writing, but I can’t seem to get them to understand me verbally.
• I am socially awkward, but have learned to disguise it as “quiet”, “doesn’t talk much”, or “pleasantly aloof.” I prefer not to be around or with people